Hello my blogger fans/friends and family. I am sorry I kinda fell off the map for a minute. I guess I owe you all an update.
Well, Life has changed for me. I have changed! Thank you Jesus for the BETTER! I grew tired of going through the motions and kinda going on auto pilot through my life.
Going through life just existing without LIVING. Not knowing the meaning of why I am here or what I was suppose to do with the cards of life I had been dealt. Situation's dealing with and handling several family members with strong and horrible addictions were consuming everything about who I was. I was filled with bitterness and hate and more than anything full of hurt and confusion. Mainly because I couldn't fix it. I ran myself in circles to everyone's rescue when in fact I was the biggest enabler.Then faced with that..... I felt guilty and responsible. So I was still left trying to mend things.. only to be left disappointed not only in the situation but in myself for not being strong enough to keep trudging through it. I was quite literally on a huge hamster wheel. I was trying to manage a life that wasn't mine. I have an awesome most loving husband that God has blessed me with. He truly is my best-est-est-est-est friend. Truly a match made in Heaven. Put together by GOD! And we were blessed beyond anything we could ever deserve with Nicholas. And yet I found myself sometimes neglecting them running to the aid of someone I thought I could save. 3 am I would leave my husband and son in bed to go 80 miles to beg... i mean BEG someone to please get in the car with me. Why I was begging him to come with me.. when he was the one who called me I have no idea. But I tried to remember that he wasn't in his right state.But,that was the night I gave up. Not on him. But in thinking I could do this. I am STRONG...but I am not unbreakable. I cant LOVE him enough to change him. I cant want it for him. I cant beg God to hear me when I wasn't sure what I was asking for.On the side of the interstate begging someone I love soooooo much to please let me get them off the side of the road and take them home. While he cussed me.. told me mean and hurtful things and I sobbed and sobbed and quite literally hit my knees that night on the side of I-65 and very desperately asked for help. that night I gave him to God. While I will always love and always be there for my family. But their addictions can no longer consume me. I guess I really did have to hit that low place to fully give him to God. I no longer run after him. I no longer go looking for him in bad places when I haven't talked to him in a day. Not that I don't worry , or love him. But because God has truly given me peace and I can rest in knowing that its bigger than me. I had to get out of GODs way.I still help, but in a different way now. I offer hot meals. Warm showers and rides to Dr or grocery stores..keep kids when times aren't so good...etc etc. It took me MONTHS to get to this place.It hasn't been easy I must admit. God gave me strength for sure! But there were areas that I had to stand up for myself and declare a few things for myself through Him. Things not so accepted by my peers. But they eventually started talking to me again and understand and respect my choices. I no longer get the calls in the middle of the night. I no longer see the drug use in front of me. I no longer over hear the conversations/deals and I no longer wonder about any of it either. I still had feelings of guilt and feeling like I was abandoning them. And that is just HALF of what was going on in my life at that time. On the other half was this MASSIVE WARRRR with my father in law. Years of being burned and all the deceit and evil plotting against me and my family. Fighting him for a relationship with my very own mother. Talk about exhausting. Constant terrorizing!
The HATE I had for THAT man. WOOOOOO its enough to scare even a Holy man I'm sure! My life was like a deadly cancer. There was NO LIFE in it. Looking back , I'm not surprised I felt like giving up and crawling into a dark hole all the time. Not feeling sorry for myself at all!!! Quite the opposite actually. Im overwhelmed with honor and humbled with Gods love for me to take alllllll that junk from me.Right in the middle of this life...he through me a life line. One that I FINALLY grabbed!!And after months of grabbing hold of it.Feeding on it. I am a new person. Halleluiah!
Thank you Jesus!
There is no way to fully describe whats happened to me in the past 6 months. Those of you that know me and how my life was and how consumed and unhappy i was with life.
I cant begin to tell you how happy and full of life I am today! And its by no works of mine. All I had to do was open my heart to Jesus. To accept and know that he DOES love me!
The things of my old life are still present BUT my perspective is clear and all the fog is gone. I am thrilled to say that TODAY my step father and I are in a great place.
WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!
I had this enormous need to make things right with James. To give him a heart felt apology for my part in this horrible on going battle between the two of us and i wanted to give him my forgiveness for all he had done as well.
NOT because I wanted to prove something to God or to anyone else. NO one even knew I was going over there. I just had this overwhelming need to LOVE him! Wow right! At first I fought the feeling and thought I was getting to deep and moving to fast in this God thing!! I was scared to open doors that I shut-Locked-Bolted-bricked SHUT!!! I didn't want to feel the pain all over again.
The man I would dream about at night disappearing never to be found. I was now wanting to embrace and love on. I felt compassion for him. Where was this coming from.
God removed the hurt...he stripped the anger... he BURIED all that.. the spirit of the Holy Ghost... that LIVES in me was awakened like nothing I have ever experienced in my LIFE!
Things are not perfect! And they will never be perfect! I'm constantly changing. He is constantly moving me from Glory to Glory!
Now when I go to my moms the first thing I do like always is hug her and tell her i Love her. And now I make a 'B' line directly to James. Our hugs are getting longer and longer and a time or two we just kinda stood there holding one another hugging and when we finally broke away we were BOTH crying!Never exchanging a single word. I honestly feel like God is over flowing. He has opened his heart and MINE and God is doing amazing things . I'm telling you!!! Its WONDERFUL to be a part of and watch! Im excited to move forward! God has massive plans and he is truly working over here!!! FOR SURE!!!
God is so wonderful so loving and so forgiving. We are HIS! He created EACH of us and wants us ALL to prosper and live Heaven on Earth!
I am as broke now.... as I have ever been in my LIFE! But feel so RICH its like I should be wearing a crown. Oh wait I AM!! Thank you JESUS!
I feel so blessed beyond any measure. I have so much to be so thankful for and so much to cherish. All the gifts God has given to me.
I see things so clearly now that I never in my wildest dreams ever thought possible. I SEE THEM HAPPENING! And im NOT just talking material or monetary here.. I'm talking EVERYTHING. Restoring relationships-breaking chains-setting folks free-stripping stuffffffffff away!! WHOOOAAAAAA!!!
I have finally after 30 years of wanting I now have a Church family! That shelters and accepts and loves you unconditionally!
I don't feel like when I walk in there is a red flashing arrow hovering over my head exposing all my "junk". I feel accepted and loved and a place where I belong.
God does hear your cries. He does answer prayers. I'm walking in mine. Thank you God.
I may not look like it... But I feel like a shining star glowing so bright! I feel Jesus all over me!
So there is my update. That's what I been up to and why I haven't been around much. I've been busy falling in love. <3
Thank you for being patient with me and hanging in here. I see the tracker where you guys have continuously stopped by and Ive gotten the comments. Thank you all so much for not giving up on me. I plan on jumping back in with the
Templates and blings and tuts etc etc.
And I think my blog may double as a journal from time to time.
Sorry for the rambling. But you know me. I ramble......
For this tutorial, you'll need a working knowledge of PSE.
I'm using 8 but any version should work.
This tutorial is my own and any resemblance to any other is purely coincidental.
Supplies needed for this tutorial are:
The Kit I am using is
by Lorie Davison "BaBee Nursery Garden
You can grab this kit at Scrapbookgraphics.com
Tube I am using the amazing work of www.JenniferLNilsson.com/
which can be purchased at www.mytagart.com
Using Garden Fence 3 place centered on your canvas.
Add drop shadow
Place your tube in front of the gate of fence.
Add drop shadow
next element is named fuzzy soft thing to sit on we will be using this are our grass area.
place as back layer and duplicate 2x totaling 3 elements
place along the fence line.
Using element large grass clump 3 place on canvas and position along side the front of the fence on both sides.
You will duplicate this element several times.
Position to taste.
Using large clump grass 1 element do not resize and place as bottom layer behind fence. Duplicate and position all along the back of the canvas.
This will give the feeling of being deep within the stalks of grass.
I used a total of 3 of these.
Now using element hive flower cubby place within the stalks of grass we just placed behind the fence. We will create a village feel to the tag with the lil houses.
Now using element hive flower with no windows
I Love ya girlie!! Thanks so much for thinking about me!!!
The aim of the award is to bring recognition to blogs with minimal followers. Since I have accepted the award I must pass it on to at least 3 other blogs (but not more than 5), that have inspired me and I feel deserve a bit more attention. The rules are to say thank you on our blog to the one who passed it on to us (THANK YOU SARAH!!) and link to their blog (Sarahs Tags N Things). Pick the blogs to pass the award on to, leave a note on their blog and then list them with links to their blogs...